Because My Hair is Laid...Like Poetry....

Press play to feel the essence, the wisdom, the POWER that is this diva's poetic hair! The poem at the end should be written down and recited daily. Did a wayward bitch come at you, attempting to ruin your day? You can simply turn around and say "Bitch, my hair is LAID!"

Jam of the Week!: "Baby Lotion Song"

Remember when you and your friends used to do wild in school and make up funny/dumb shit? Yep. This is one of those moments. They even have a dance for it y'all! Be sure to take notes on how to properly wipe them elbows hoe! Oh, and to the lil freak in the smini yellow shirt: Your nasty ass needs to stop!

How much you wanna bet that this was the jam on the bus on the way home?

Antoine Is Looking For You!

Okay, the situation itself is not funny. It's disturbing. You'd be freaking out too if you wake up to find some stranger attacking you! And I was prepared to get all huffed up and outraged over the situation right along with them. Arming myself with comments about security and things of that nature.

Then along came Antoine.

Chiiiile...

I thought he was the dude who attacked her at first before I pressed the play button.
but no, he's her sister (yes I said that right, genetics be damned *snaps & twists neck*). The minute he opened his mouth and delivered his opening speech, my soul closed it's casket. Antoine took this from being tragic to downright hilarious.

Serious tip though, I hope they find the guy and put him away. And I'm glad that Antoine was actually there.

And remember that Antoine is looking for you! So you can run and tell THAT....HOMEBOY!

Halos, Christmas Garland and Dirty Carpets.

At 24 seconds in I asked myself "....well is it dead?!". But thanks to the random high pitched inconherent chants and singing, the gold make up, and the creative use of  leftover 80% Christmas garland, this man is certainly alive and well. His "Halo" and left my soul on the edge of life, beaten and bruised. I'm in tears! Thank @thexdexperience  for his fuckery discovery.

D.O.S (Death Of Swagg, and your cousins....)

This shite right here is the reason why the word ''Swagg'' is no longer in my everyday vocabulary. If you ain't talkin' about a valance or a curtain, then I refuse to listen. Who the hell let Vonquasha 'nem  in the studio anyways? I swear...

My own inner hoodrat has more class than this. If you've enjoyed this musical selection, then please turn off your computer. You are no longer allowed to use the internet. Now go to bed! Shit!

Death and Dismemberment! Brought to you by Melo & Axe

 WARNING: NOT SAFE FOR WORK, LIFE, EYES, AND INSIDES!

Here's my verdict for this video....
Your backwards random bored ill-shaped high cholesterol heavy breathing after every third word silly hoodrat no shame nor common sense having cousin Melo needs to re-evaluate her life. Ladies does this turn you on? Does this make you wanna switch teams? If anything she gives new meaning to the saying "scared straight". Chiiiiile.....

The Snatch-Off!

It's all in Portuguese, but even a simple man can figure out what's happening in this vid. The music selection at the end is classic! Damn Brazil! I see how y'all queens do!


*death & dismemberment*

Spotted at Kid Fury 

Twerk til you TIRED!

Your little cousin wanted to record himself dancing to Bey's "Diva", and he wanted all of us to watch him W-O-R-K hunay! I think he did a good job. Z motion snaps for the kids! And before you open your mouth and say somethin' slick out the side of your neck, I'd like to point out that he danced his lil ass off in them boots. Can YOU do that? Didn't think so...


He still ain't creole doe....I'm just sayin'...

Toddler Stank! Take Notes People!

Damn you AND yo cousins! And damn @iamdiddy for tweetin' this and making my side hurt!
No shade has been thrown on this vid though. This is soooo cute! This child is straight killin' it! This is pure fun! Kids are truly a joy to watch!

Here We Go Again...

There are four major food joints that seem to be epicenters of bullshit and foolishness: McDonalds, Wendy's, Taco Bell, and Burger King. And it seems like poor Wendy's gets it turn in this clip. Not only did they have to deal with a bad car accident clogging up the drive thru, reporters and the daily nightmare of hungry & impatient customers, they have to deal with Ashley. Lawd! They couldn't get Quita in the background while she was busy running her mouth on the phone and being nosey? Can you imagine that convo? "Chiiiile, dey got the news people out here an' everythang girl...all on tv and shit..." Shit, she would've been better than what they got. Goodness!
Tell your cousin to stay away from the cameras next time.

You Play Too Damn Much!

Your 4th cousin on your daddy's side is showin' out big time!
How big? Try $170,000 on his "collection"
........
iQuit this bitch!

Hotel Lobby Nightmare

Hide The Children! STAT! Do it NOW!
See What happens when your cousin's get a little double d's (dough & dope) and a little bit of fame? They try to crash wedding parties, pick up random women, and talk about eating ass and poppin' pills in their own ass. Smh.
I'm officially scared of hotel lobbies now. Thank's Pretty Ricky! :(

The Snail by Remi Gaillard

*dead*

Greatness!

But I'm pretty sure the people in traffic probably thought otherwise.

Source: Urban Prankster

Here We Go Again: The D-Snitch on GMA

...and this is how I feel about this book and the ENTIRE subject...

Peep the "whatever" face.

Do as I say not as I do?

How about I just skip out on both parts. I'm just sayin'...

Hip Hop's favorite dick-snitch is back at it again. Karrine Steffans has yet another book out, and this time she's giving out relationship advice. I'm still mad that she screwed the dude who played Carl Winslow's son in Family Matters, but I digress. Still, as much as we roll our eyes and suck our teeth, she is making money off of whorish men. And she'll continue to do so as long as people make a big deal out of it. It's just like the prostitute or drug dealer on the block: what they do isn't right, but they're not trying to hide their occupation nor are they ashamed of it. Yet as long as we glorify it and actually keep paying for their services, the two will keep on serving. I'm just sayin'

On a side note though, peep the looks they giving between 1:25 and 1:35. They give my "whatever" look both breath and substance.

May the spirit of Uncle Mike swoop down from heaven and THRILLER-KICK yo ass!

Uncle Mike is probably very upset right not off of this shit! Damn you Tammy for exposing me to this toxic foolishness!!

THRILLER-KICK THESE HOES MIKE!

I was done for after the 2:06 mark. "ABSOLUTELY NOT!", my soul cried in outrage! I can't...

Shouts out to:a space between a blink and a tear